I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
