It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
