What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Everything about him screamed your future.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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