I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
