I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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