Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
