We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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