haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
