...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
