she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I could make wine with my vomit
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
