This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
