I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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