shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
