I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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