There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
