You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this beer tastes like vomit already
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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