we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
