My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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