On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
