if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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