I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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