dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
