I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
