I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
