You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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