Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
