He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
