He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
