she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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