Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
