i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
