one two three fourrrrnication!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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