Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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