oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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