pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
