i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
