i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
