dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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