Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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