I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
