It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house