I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?