Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?