she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father