if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea