i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please