im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS