I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill