Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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