i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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