$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
