he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
