if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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