you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
