girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
