This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
