i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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