That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
