they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
