well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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