if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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