Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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