JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
