Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
