my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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