Cold hands, warm shart.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
