He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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