you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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