i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
