wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
