Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
