omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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