dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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