The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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